Teen to parent abuse

Our Getting On programme offers support for Doncaster families who are experiencing Adolescent to Parent Violence and Abuse (APVA)

Like domestic abuse, teen to parent abuse can be difficult to recognise and hard to talk about.

Parents suffering from abuse by their children can feel shame and blame and can worry about the consequences for their child if they report it. There can be many complex reasons behind the behaviour which often occurs during adolescence when children are experiencing significant change in their lives.

Our Getting On programme offers a tailored package of support for teens and their female parent/carer. Families are supported to repair the damage to their relationships, building trust and developing safe ways to move forwards together.

Spotting the signs

It is normal during the teenage years for children to want to challenge their parents and authority; it is all part of them heading towards an independent life.

Teenagers will exhibit healthy anger and conflict along the way. Violence is not the same as anger. Anger is an emotion; violence is about a control and power.

Teen to parent abuse creates fear in the family and can be used to control and dominate. It can include any of the following:

Physical

  • spitting, shoving, hitting, kicking
  • throwing things, breaking things and punching holes in the walls or doors
  • bullying or physical violence to siblings
  • cruelty to pets
  • any actions or behaviour that threatens a person’s sense of well-being and safety

Emotional, psychological and verbal

  • verbal abuse, yelling screaming, swearing, ‘put downs’ and humiliation
  • verbal intimidation
  • emotional and psychological intimidation
  • playing mind games
  • making threats to hurt or kill themselves or run away, in order to get their own way or control you and the family

Financial

  • demanding money or things you cannot afford
  • stealing money or possessions from you, your family or friends
  • incurring debts that you are responsible for
Who is the programme for?

Our Getting On Programme is open to families living in Doncaster. Working with mums/ female carers and their children, aged 11 to 15 years.

How does the course work?

The Getting On Programme consists of nine concurrent sessions with teens in one group and female parents/carers in another. The sessions are on the same day, at the same time and in the same venue. Sessions last roughly two hours. The content is mirrored in each group so both groups learn similar things at similar times.

Each families progress is individual, one size does not fit all. The programme offers a range of tools and techniques and the opportunity to explore what works well for your family. The programme creates a safe space where facilitators are trained to understand the complex nature of the problem and support families to repair.

What others say about the course? 

One 13-year-old boy who attended the Getting On programme last year after being abusive towards his mother, said: I have changed my relationship with my Mum and with others, like teachers. I still need to work on my anger but I’m calmer now and I’ve got better with my sister.”

This is what some of our parents have said about the programme:

“I think that parents have to accept that kids are kids….. It’s about trying to gain control without being controlling, not to belittle them, it’s about respect. I used to talk about respect a lot but I never gave him respect. Since the programme I recognise this and we are 100% better”

“I would advise other people to go on it. Getting to know my son again now everything is great, this was the best thing from the programme, it was really good”

“I would advise anyone who needed support to come on this programme, I am still in contact with the other parents, and we still support each other”

How can I get on the course?

If you live in Doncaster and are interested in finding out more about the course please contact our Early Hub Team by calling 01302 734110.

The team will talk with you about your situation and will be able to give advice on the best support available to you and your family.

Further advice and support

You can find further information and advice at https://holesinthewall.co.uk/

 

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